Who are you...and what are you doing in MY bed?

Ahhh, the whole bed to myself. I get that some mothers are die hard for certain things such as breastfeeding till they are 13 years old, talking out their feelings instead of rules, any diapers that are  not made of fibres from the earth spun into delicate patterns by whispering butterflies sent from the stars (*ahem, pampers) will KILL your baby...etc etc....oh, I hear yas, I get yas, I embrace your tenacious views and die-hard opinions...


But I truly think mothers who co-sleep are INSANE!!


Dude, I'm not talking newborns...I've been there, I've had to get up during the night for feedings (times three remember) and some nights the only sleep I got was when a baby fell asleep in bed with me in between feedings.


I'm talking about toddlers!! Haven't you suffered enough? No one gets paid extra money or gets an extra layer of feathers on your angel wings in Heaven. Don't get me wrong, I will haul a sick kid in bed with me to keep a snoring eye on them.............but every night? pfft


The boy, he had lung yuckies going on again so instead of jumping up every time he coughed/gagged I chucked him in with me. By the time I walked around the other side of the bed to crawl in...the BOY was already laying across the width of it on MY pillow snoring. I had to try to slide his 40+lb mass over just enough to hug the side...balancing the girth of my rump on the seam of the mattress and the abyss as he routinely cast his germy mist of breath right up my nose.


Let it be known...I can't stand to breath in someone elses breath...those pretty romantic scenes where people slowly wake up with their sleep swollen lips inches away from each other...their noses brush...eye lids gracefully flutter open and they smile a big sparkling "Good morningggggg" as the birds chirp through a sun streaked window..........that crap don't fly here!!! Get your breath out of my nose!! blaah


Last night we had to start ripping wall paper off of the walls of the girls room so they came into my bed. My soft, yet firm...queen sized, fresh line dried sheets, my personal oasis of snore. Those two angels of my womb were cuddled up to each other in such a way that when it was my turn to crawl in a little later I was honored with the foot of the bed.


One spawn decided to almost roll out of bed...so I inched my way up the edge of the bed so that I could have one foot near a girl and my head/arm around the other on an angle so I could feel if they started to roll again. It's weird to picture I know...but lets just say it was not comfy.


The next 5 hours were filled with kicks, punches, elbows etc. One feisty child o'mine decides to elbow me in the lips and sit straight up and scream some garble about apple juice...then flop back down and kick me in the boob.


See those paragraphs right there ^^? Tell me why people WANT to do that every night...what do you think are the benefits of UFC cage matches happening in my bed? I dunno what goes on in your house...but in mine? Boy is snoring right now clutching his race car like a teddy bear...the fighter-girl is rolling, punching the air and kicking her blankets in their OWN beds...I am queen on my bed again...


and the third one you ask? She fell out of bed earlier hard enough to shake the house...sounded like skull cracking. When I ran in her room she was motionless on the floor. In a panic I pick her up, yelling her name, thinking she was out cold....


She opened her eyes and said : Weve me awone Momma, I sweeping...


Good 'nuff...back to your bed you go!!


So in closing...I totally understand why most mothers are usually passionate about something whether it be Attachment parenting...extended BFing, delayed or not vaccinating etc....


but I am passionate about sleep...nice....alone....sleep.

g'nighty :)