n. Slang
A small or worthless amount.
Most families have a legend or great, amazing story to tell every Christmas to their loved ones...something grand enough to be told throughout the ages through generations. I thought I didn't have anything spectacular until I remembered THAT Christmas. THAT Christmas back in the mid-to early-eighties. Cop a squat and picture it...Pictou Co...snow falling in sparkly sheets, the usual plastic candles bedecking front doors shining with multi-colored strings of jewels (way before the days of mono-tone leds)
I was a precious, precocious, beautiful child....trust me. hehe j/k
I am a professional snooper. If there was a gift...I snooped. It is an obsession of sorts. I'd like to chalk it up to not liking being surprised and in case I didn't like the gift I would be prepared to have the proper expression of glee as to not hurt anyone's feelings. Between you and I though, I'm nosy.
Before I became professional and all ninja like so no one ever noticed I made a slit here in the paper...or pulled out a folded corner, peeked, and shoved it back in...I got caught. Christmas Eve.
My mother and father in a rage gathered up all of my sloppy snooped presents and piled them into the trunk of our car. With me pleading and sobbing, I was told that "People who snoop get diddly squat". I didn't know what that meant at the time but I knew it surely sucked worse then the coveted My Little Ponies and such that were destined to be mine.
My brand new Barbies...all gone. To be donated to another girl who would appreciate them more then me...a simple snooper.
I sobbed as I got ready for Midnight Mass, how could I be so stupid? What am I going to do with diddly squat? Can I find Santa in time to try to cut a deal it being Christmas Eve an all. At church, I sobbed when old ladies asked me what Santa was going to bring me "Diddly Squat". I became the perfect little Catholic on my knees praying to Baby Jesus to try to catch Santa in the air on the way by Heaven to let him know "THE SNOOPER REPENTS...THE SNOOPER REPENTS! Please no DIDDLY SQUAT!!"
I went to bed that night making deals with anyone who would listen...alive/dead/or otherwise.....
Have I mentioned I can be a little dramatic?
Anyhoooo
Santa and Baby Jesus must have taken pity on me or I did enough Hail Mary's...I dunno...but when I awoke on Christmas morning there sat all the gifts my parents took in the trunk of the car and donated to some other girl. Perfectly wrapped. My presents. No diddly squat.
It was a wonderful materialistic Christmas Miracle.
The moral of the story kids? SLOPPY SNOOPERS GET DIDDLY SQUAT. Be like a ninja!!
Merry Christmas
Love
SHANTA! :)
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