I've been in hiding lately...actually I have about 4 new posts in the hopper and just can't bring myself to post them. I'm not sure why. It's not that I am a shy person when trying to express a thought (read: big mouthed know it all)...it's not that I don't enjoy a good debate...I don't know what it is.
I had a great idea about "Different parenting styles" posts...but the thing is...my parenting style is most likely very different then yours...if I write it I never mean my way is better, because believe me, YOUR parenting style is nothing like mine. Everyone does it differently.
According to psychologists (Baumrind, 1967) there are four basic styles of parenting:
Authoritarian
Authoritative
Uninvolved
Permissive
Lets break it down...a la DJ Lance (Yo Gabba Gabba, 200?)
Authoritarian parenting is basically the parents establishing rules and the children are expected to follow them. You don't want to follow the rules? You get punished. Simple as that. I am the parent, I am the ruler, these are my rules and its because "I said SO!".....I'm a little of this. My main rules of the house that fall under this heading include SAFETY and RESPECT. You WILL use manners if you want something, if I deem something as unsafe and you put yourself (or family) in danger you WILL get punished. Simple...and by da' Jesus I have said "Cause I said so!" quite a few times already in their short 3 years of existence.
Authoritative parenting is basically the same as above with set rules and guidelines ONLY instead of firm punishment they can be more open to questions and thoughts regarding the rules when broken. More on letting the child self-regulate their own actions and more supportive in the learning aspect of WHY they felt the need for breaking a set guideline. "You broke my rule, why did you do that? Why do you think I asked you not to? How do you feel about that?" I would like to say I fall under this category more then the latter...but really at three years old mine would totally take over the household and it would be a whole Lord of the Flies sh*tstorm brewing...my kids sense weakness and strike! J/k....I grasp this concept more then not, I think in order for a child to firmly understand a rule they need to be talked to and feel open to ask questions...."BUT WHYYYYYYYY?"
Uninvolved Parenting? They have very few demands or rules on their children. They are very detached (IMO) fill their basic needs of food and shelter but that's about it. No rules, no connection, no worries. Kind of like throwing toast at your kids, turning on the TV and sitting down at a kitchen table and ignoring them while you write a blog entry....WAIIIIIITTTTT a minute....that's what I'm doing....anyhoooo nothing to see here, move along :O I'm teasing...as I finished that sentence the boy just pulled his sisters hair to get her toast...and his butt is in the corner as we speak haha
Permissive parents are ones who simply spoil a child or are 'FRIENDS" with their children. There are very little rules or restrictions or expectations places on them, they are free to simply be. We have all seen this type. "My Little Johnny took a rock and scratched the paint on your new truck? Ohhh he's just expressing his emotions. Isn't he creative?" This style is the LEAST of the qualities in my repertoire. I'm sorry, I have many friends, and none of my friends take their diaper off and poop paint on the walls, none of mine wake me up in the middle of the night to throw up in my face. haha....ok that's a little far.
In my opinion, being only ONE of these types of parents is not good. You should have a nice mixture of all 4 qualities. Strict enough to have rules and expect them to follow. Have rules but allow certain rules to be up for discussion when the time is right. Punishments for rule breaking but allowances for debate. You need to take time for yourself, but not to the extent of letting your kids rule the roost. You need to be a sort of friend...not a "hey buddy, lets chill out." but a parent who allows their kids to open up to you without fear of punishment...you need mutual trust. You can't crack the whip without letting a child know where they went wrong.
We, as parents have a tough job. There are always people out there to judge you and wait for you to screw up in your parenting. There is always people who think they do/did a way better job with their kids then you are. If you live your life worrying about what others think of you you might as well have never had kids. These are YOUR kids, you will survive.
The way I see it...I haven't done everything right, I will never do right in some peoples eyes and I may have screwed up ensuring my kids will end up in jail or something, but I'm involved and TRYING. If we all wake up in one piece the next morning and happy then I did my job...today is a new day. :)
You don't have to agree with my opinion...that's the wicked thing about the internet...theres a red X at the top of the screen...
No comments:
Post a Comment