"You don't like shellfish?" said in such a way that people would ask "You don't breathe air?"..."Oh well you must like clams though...no? Not even lobster??"......."WELL....you gotta like scallops, you gotta!"
People, if it has/had or even thinks about shells...I don't eat nor do I like it. Scandalous I know! Most people from this community can't even fathom it as the main industry is lobster fishing. I don't enjoy the taste, I definitely do not enjoy the squeaky texture when you chew it (like a raw mushroom) blick!!!
*Remind me to tell you about my 'setting lobsters free days'
Another misconception I actually enjoy smashing to smithereens is the old saying "If you don't eat it, ya can't cook it right"...my friends, gather around. I am going to tell you in layman's terms, step by step how to cook, shell and in the NEXT POST make our regions most treasured dishes. CREAMED LOBSTER. So you too can woo the crowds.
Cooking Lobster (sea spiders, spawns of Satan, stinky bastids)
Firstly: get lobster as many as you want... make sure they are alive and feisty (the feisty ones make you have less guilt about the murder) also if you aren't blessed like us and have to buy them at a store (blaah) don't go for the big ones (jumbos) apparently the meat is tough....get a big pot with a lid <very important I cant stress this enough!
Next: chuck the beasts of Satan into a clean, dry sink. Take this opportunity to swear at them or apologize (depends on your disposition). Drag your boiler out to the ocean and fill it with sea water...if you aren't blessed with one close by, fill pot with water and dump enough salt in to almost taste like sea water (I use sea salt cause I'm all hoity toity) let the water come about 2/3's to 3/4 of the way up
*side note: people may argue with me about cooking methods, some steam them...I boil. TomAto, TOMaTO. G was a steamer till I came around and he prefers it now so :P.
While you bring your water to a boil...take this time to run around the kitchen and open windows a crack, light a million candles and take a drink of wine to calm your nerves...these next few steps can be very scary.
Put your apron on and tie hair back, remove all jewelry and pray. You don't want to give these minions of horror anything to grapple on to. Now people from away (meaning from back home especially!) you DON'T cook the lobbys with the bands still on. That is cardinal rule #1! Don't argue, don't complain, just D.O.N.T! Capishe? lol....don't even admit you do it!!
Take the bands off as safely as you can. I don't enjoy this, so if someone offers I take a rare moment and step back here!!
*Throwing them in? I try to always put them in head first, that way there is less jumping of the lobster and seems to kill them right away. Yes, you may feel guilt. HOWEVER, if you invite someone over to eat...sometimes you get lucky enough to guilt someone else into doing this part for you...I hate it and panic...that is all.
Once all in the pot, slam the lid on and have a big gulp of wine. This is where the lid is very important you want to forget just what has happened, and keep them in there....the hard part is over. Take this time to clean out the sink, search high and low for the bands you removed, light more candles and complain 8 more times of the smell in your kitchen! Boil those suckas till you look in and see the color turn a bright red and if you can pull a feeler off of it easily, they are done.
Once finished remove the lobsters from water and put back into the clean sink. Now you can serve it however you want. On a plate? On a platter? or you can shell them now if you want the meat for some dishes such as Creamed Lobster (in next post).
I'm going to try to be speedy with the shelling part. I love to do it and if they are soft shelled you can do it with your bare hands (I hate using a knife, much to the horror of anyone watching).
- separate the tail from body by holding tail in one, body in other hand and twisting.
- tail meat, either lay on its side and press down to crack the backside or rip off the flippers and stick your finger in the space and push meat out (which is the most fun) Remove the black vein running through the meat. If you have a female you may find roe which is orange...some eat it, some don't.
- twist both claws off. smaller end of claw wiggle and pull out of socket (hopefully with the cartilage still in place) crack larger claw with cracker, chef knife or bare hand (animal like me!) and carefully remove meat...for appearances you want it to be intact.
- inside of the knuckles (joints of claws) you can take a small poker, skewer, finger and pop out the little bits of meat there as well.
- I don't forage the body. if there is someone there who eats tomally let them go to 'er, I just can't be bothered with the little meat in there.
- place meat in bowl and you can rinse in cool water to remove the white slime (blood). refrigerate covered or begin cooking with it now.
So now what? You did it! Believe me, even if you don't eat lobbys, conquering cooking them is just as rewarding as mastering a perfect med-rare prime rib...not as tasty in my opinion...but anyhooo. Take this time after doing so well, with very few tears, to pat yourself on the back...after you get a bath that is...your hands smell like ass by now! THIS is how I survive the 3 times a year we cook them...and this is what makes me wish I lived beside a beef farm instead of the ocean....no, not really.
a few links of you don't trust me yet: http://www.ehow.com/how_2072_boil-lobster.html
http://www.helpwithcooking.com/seafood-shellfish/how-to-cook-lobster.html
http://www.discovernslobster.ca/index.php
ps Enjoy Nova Scotia Lobster ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment